Thursday, May 24, 2007

Marriage Without Sex?

A recent conversation on The Ooze has wandered into Spiritual Sensuality territory.

I'm posing this question here out of honest curiousity, not malice. I have no interest in embarrassing or shaming anyone, and I am more than willing to remove the link if necessary. :)

The question:

Is sexal intimacy necessary in order to have a healthy marriage?

Barring situations that are either extreme (disability, etc) or short term and mutually agreed-upon (a la 1 Corinthians 7:5*), I've always thought it was pretty necessary.

What do you think?

* 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.


Jemila Monroe said...

Three questions I would ask: (1) What is the reason for the lack of sex? (2)is at least one person feeling the lack of sex as an unmet need? (3) is at least one person in the marriage feeling SOMETHING ELSE as an unmet need that is impacting the sexual dynamic?

Amy said...

I think the questions Jemila asks are really important.

I have mixed feelings about the question. Although I don't think you have to have a lot of sex to have a good marriage, I do thing that the intimacy of sex has a significant impact on the overall relationship.

I think this can change at different times in the marriage, though. My husband and I have three young kids and sometimes physical intimacy is a reminder that we're not just housemates...a grounding of sorts.

Jemila Monroe said...

Yes, Amy, I agree. Kind of like a prelude to the days when kids are bigger and caretaking is less of the pie chart and there is more room for loving, romantic expression and just BEING in love.

Sensuous Wife said...

Is sexual intimacy necessary in order to have a healthy marriage?
Uh, yeah. I think so. If you're not sharing your sexuality with each other, you're not sharing a huge part of your life with the one you are ONE with. Even when intercourse isn't possible, say he's deployed overseas, or she has placenta previa they can still share sexual *intimacy* and yes I think that sexual oneness and sharing is necessary for a healthy marriage.

Dena said...

Marriage without sex? Isn't that like asking about life without eating...?

I don't think it's an accident that God tells us to only go without sex in marriage for as long as we'd fast from food (for the purpose of focusing on prayer).

How many of us are willing to go without food for as long as we're seemingly willing to go without sex...?

If you've never tried the "40 days of daily sex" experiment - I highly recommend it. Yes, it can be done with children around... I have 8 of them, from 19 down to infant... yes, it can be done.

Jemila Monroe said...

Hi Dena :) Do you have any secrets you can share for lots of sex while raising lots of kids? Eight! I've got three (two months, 18 mo and five yrs) and my hands are completely full! We make love perhaps more than the average couple with young kids, but forty days in a row? Woah.

Lydia said...

Wow, I completely forgot that I'd posted this. Sorry about that. :)

Jemila, those are good questions.

Dena: does the concept of "40 days of daily sex" come from a book, a website, something else?

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Psychological problems need to be addressed if they are the predominant cause of erection problems. If not, drugs are unlikely to restore enjoyable and satisfying sexual intimacy to your relationship. One must learn how to manage stress.

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